And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
