I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
