Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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