Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
