i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
