I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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