I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My liver just had a heart attack.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
