Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
