I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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