Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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