I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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