I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
