would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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