i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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