Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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