We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
