No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
