They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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