Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
