Come see our sink grown plant.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
