see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
