I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
