got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
