And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
