My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
