she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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