i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dick very happy bro
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
