No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i will never coherently bang her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
