I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
