In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is wine microwaveable?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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