I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
