he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
