Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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