hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
