Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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