Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Someone shit on the floor
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
