Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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