Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
