Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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