He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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