Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize