I heard we made out
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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