hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
In America we eat man semen.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
