Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Drunk is a universal language darling
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
