plz talk dirty to me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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