I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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