guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
