no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize