I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
