I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
