Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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