so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
