upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
