The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
