I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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