found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
