he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂