I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.