i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery