Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner