I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Watching her eat just hurts me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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