He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just invented taco cereal.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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