I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize