He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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