There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
