Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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