i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
