the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
