respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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